A gentle, beginner-safe cord cutting ritual for an ex—symbolic release work to call your energy home from a connection that already ended.
I can feel that you're still tethered to someone who is no longer in your life—and the cord between you is doing the draining work of a relationship that ended months ago. This isn't weakness. It's an attachment that hasn't been formally closed on your side. Tonight's working is a symbolic release: you're not reaching toward them, you're calling your own energy back home where it belongs.
Timing
Moon: Waning moon (or any moon if you cannot wait)
Day: Saturday — the day of endings and release
Time: After dark, ideally before midnight
What You Need
black candle
bay leaves
black pen
bowl for mixing
water
sea salt
matches
fire-safe container
scissors
The Incantation
What no longer feeds me, I release tonight.
What was borrowed from my future, I take back.
By salt I cleanse, by flame I sever, by water I carry away.
The cord falls slack on my side.
I call my own self home.
The Ritual
Find a quiet evening when you're alone in your home. Set your bowl, candle, and supplies on a fire-safe surface where you won't be interrupted. Fill the bowl with water and stir in a generous pinch of sea salt until it dissolves—this is the water that will carry the working away.
Light the black candle and take three slow, grounding breaths. Let the flame settle. This candle witnesses your intention to release, not to harm.
On a bay leaf, write with your black pen what you are releasing: their name, the ache, the version of yourself that kept waiting by the phone. Keep it short—one leaf, one truth. If you need more space, use a second leaf.
Hold the leaf in both hands. Acknowledge, without judgment, that this attachment has been real and has cost you something. Then speak the incantation aloud, slowly, three times—growing quieter and more certain with each pass.
Pass the leaf through the candle flame until it catches, then drop it immediately into your fire-safe container and let it burn down completely. (Optional: before burning, you may cut the leaf in half with scissors as a physical marker of the severance.)
Once the ash is cool, scrape it into the bowl of salted water. Watch it darken and dissolve. Sit with the bowl for a few minutes—this is the part where the cord goes slack on your side.
Pour the bowl out at the edge of your property, into a storm drain, or down an outside sink—somewhere the water leaves you. Wash your hands thoroughly with cool water. Do not look back at the spot where you poured.
Return inside, snuff (don't blow out) the candle, and go directly to bed or to something gentle. Let the night close the working.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does this cord cutting ritual for an ex affect them or their free will?
No—and that's the point. This working is directed entirely at your own attachment, not at the other person's choices, feelings, or behavior. You're not making them leave you alone, forget you, or feel anything in particular. You are clarifying your own energetic field and withdrawing the attention and longing you've been pouring toward a relationship that has already ended. Ethical severance work always begins and ends with the practitioner's own side of the cord. If you find yourself wanting to influence what they do, feel, or think, pause the ritual and sit with that impulse first—it's usually grief in disguise, and grief deserves its own care.
What if I still think about my ex constantly after performing the ritual?
That's normal, and it doesn't mean the ritual failed. Cord cutting is symbolic—it marks an intention and gives your nervous system a clear ceremony of release, but it doesn't override months or years of bonded memory in a single night. Many people repeat this working across three consecutive waning moons, or pair it with a daily grounding practice. If intrusive thoughts, sleep disruption, or emotional pain continue, please consider talking with a therapist, counselor, or trusted support person. Ritual is a meaningful companion to healing, but it is not a substitute for professional mental health care, especially after the end of a significant or difficult relationship.
Can I do this ritual if we're still in contact or co-parenting?
Yes, with a small adjustment in framing. You're not cutting the person out of your life—you're cutting the longing, the unfinished hope, the version of the relationship that no longer exists. When you write on the bay leaf, be specific: release "the part of me still waiting for them to come back," or "the ache of who we used to be," rather than the person themselves. This lets you stay civil, functional, and present in necessary interactions while reclaiming the inner real estate the old attachment has been occupying. Practical, ongoing contact and inner severance can absolutely coexist.
What if my ex was abusive or I feel unsafe?
Please prioritize physical and emotional safety over any ritual. Cord cutting is symbolic inner work and is not a protective measure against a person who is harming, stalking, or harassing you. If you are in danger, contact a domestic violence hotline, a trusted person, or local authorities, and consider working with a trauma-informed therapist. You can absolutely still do this ritual as part of your healing once you are safe—many survivors find symbolic severance meaningful—but it should accompany, never replace, real-world safety planning and professional support. Your wellbeing is the most sacred boundary you have, and it deserves more than candlelight alone.
